Yesterday was a scary day. After having a lovely weekend with my wife as we went to St. Augustine, we visited my mother and watched the Season finale (last years) of LOST. We caught her up with the DVD's.
Sunday, we had a nice day together, my wife and myself and I also watched football.
Then the usual Sunday blues set in. I also noticed the weather was going to be bad overnight and into the morning. As I woke up, the news channel had minute-by-minute updates of severe weather across Florida, and I was going to be driving right through it. I was already scared and then I had to drive to work. I have always appreciated a good thunderstorm, but have also been scared of them for as long as I can remember,
On the way to work, I was talking with my wife and then we had to hang p because she arrived at her job. I was then alone in my car. I had already taken 1/2 of a diazepam. as I got to work, it was pouring. I ran across the parking lot to the office and was OK, but then I became even more panicky as if I would lose control. I felt scared, angry, sad and even a little like I would lose control or even like I was in danger. All classic signs of panic.
Later that day, I experienced a little depersonalization. It's reallty weird how it comes on. I will be OK and then I start to think too much while I am driving between stops at work, and then I feel outside myself and become confused. This is nothing new as these feelings have come and gone since I was very young. I've always overcome it.
I ended up taking diazepam 3 times at a half a pill each. half is 2.5 mg. My doctor has me prescribed to take 1-2 tablets daily when needed. I have not taken the full dose in many months.
I think a lot of this is brought on by SAD, but some is also from OCD, which my be worse because of SAD. I wonder which one guides the other?
Anyway, this has lifted a great weight off of me. I have wanted to post for days, but now I finally did and feel a bit better for doing so.
I just want this panic cycle to stop and become stable. I know it takes time, but maybe by posting here and also using the diary on the site will be a good start to getting it under control.
By the way, how can I access diary entries I have posted?
Thanks to all who listen and post.
David