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Just wanted to say thank-you so much for letting me know about "Daily Meditations For Calming You Anxious Mind". I read it on the streetcar before going to class everyday, I just love it.
I think we lack faith in ourselves because we see both the good sides and the faults, and the mistakes are the hardest and tend to stick out the most. I have faith in other people because I see them accomplish great things, in spite of the mistakes. Maybe we should apply our theory of how we judge others, to ourselves...
And don't mean to read your other posts, but I've read the same thing about our disorder being a learned one. But I think I did have assistance in learning this. Not to say it's anyone's fault, but one experience I had, then didn't deal with but really wanted to, lead to this. It was a domino affect, which just goes to show, your reactions really do affect you, so choose the path you can live with, but be prepared to accept the possible outcomes as, well...life. And never forget to let go of what's done, then keep moving forward.
I tend to think of them as too separate entities. Behavior is one, Thoughts are another. To have a panic attack as stated, we didn't have to learn. Although I do believe the lingering thought process of fear of the next one (which can almost be right up there with the panic attack itself) can be unlearned/changed with thinking differently, and the sooner the better. Mine was so many years ago, CBT wasn't an option, medicine was, so my thoughts changed my behavior, no one not even me saw the agoraphobia down the line, when avoidance started. I think if doctors, and I will admit, I needed the medication to calm my body at the beginning had directed me to cognitively rationalizing my fears, I wouldn't have become the agoraphobic that I am today.
Well yesterday wasn't too bad a day, in fact it was pretty good. I hate to say it but still feeling very overwhelmed at times. I went to see my social worker on Friday and told her about my feelings, she said if she was in my place attending school after a year of basically doing nothing she would feel the same. I try when these feelings arise to calm down and do some deep breathing. I do my Tai Chi every day for about 10 minutes, right now it seems to be the only thing that calms me down a bit.
I go to my relaxation class tomorrow.
I read somewhere (you know I read way too much on the subject of mood disorders) that this is a learned behavior and we can unlearn it. It's really strange how we didn't need any assitance from anyone to learn this, we didn't have to read a manual on how to have a panic or anxiety attack. But now that we have to unlearn some of us require the help of therapists, social workers and medication. Just a thought.
You know the CAT scan wasn't really bad at all, maybe because all I thought I was getting it for was to check on the status of a previous problem. So I wasn't too worried until I heard the latest news. Now I have to wait until they book the ultrasound, which could take a bit. Also my family doctor who is more like a friend is going on an extended leave until next June (she leaves at the end of this month). She isn't really seeing patients, so I left a message for her to call me about this latest issue and am hoping she has the time to call.
My mum said once you go to the doctors they don't let go until they find something, between appointments with social workers and doctors I'm keeping pretty busy.
Why is it that we have faith in each other but not in ourselves, funny eh? It's that inner critic who is never satisfied with any accomplishment, it's never enough. The critic says you are defective, that no one else feels the way you do & that you can't do things. Then when you manage to do them you don't see them as an accomplishment because there is always another battle to overcome.
Hi CM,
Hope you are not feeling as overwhelmed as you sounded on your last post. Although it is totally understandable to feel lousy given everything on your plate. Please do keep us posted on your ultrasound results............we are all keeping our fingers crossed that it is nothing serious.
Good luck on the other tests!
Faryal, Health Educator
Sorry to hear about your medical issues. That really is difficult. It must have scary doing the CAT scan. I would hate doing that. Esp because you are afraid of the results. Please keep us posted and good luck.
Well done about the marks. You are obviously a smart person! I am sure you will kick those Excel and Powerpoint exams.
Just treat the pieces like their reeses pieces, like it's piece of a very good thing. I love reeses! Or whatever thing you like that comes in pieces, like puzzles...they do make a picture in the end. You just have to be willing to go through it. I know things are hard, but so is cement and we walk on that! Treat your problems like cement and walk on it! I know I've seen only a small portion of what your capable of, but it's enough to confidently say I have faith in you! So will you, when you realize you deserve it.
And thanks for the faith in me as well. When I question my own faith, it's great to know there's someone like you who doesn't.
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