Hiya,
Well yesterday I only got one hour of work done and today I got none done. I feel really lame... Part of the problem is me feeling tired and sad and unmotivated. Also, though, I have realized I feel much anxiety about this project. I start working and I can tell that because of being so exhausted I am just not on par with my usual intellectual capacities. On top of it the research work I am doing this summer is in a whole different field then usual, it is all new to me. And between you and me I do not deal so well with the unknown, especially when I am tired and off my game. On top of that I have to meet my boss tuesday and she expects me to have something to show her...No pressure!So now I am dealing woith feeling sad and tired and with feeling stressed out about not disappointing or letting anyone down...I can't wait to just have more energy again...Bleh!
Was thinking of going out to supper with my husband tonight to try and have fun with him since I am still struggling with our relationship...IT is getting better rather then worse though which is good. Two things are stopping me though. 1-I feel ashamed of not doing work today and thus feel like I don't deserve a fun evening...2-I am afraid he will say no and it will hurt my feelings. I think tonight he would rather play his game...video game. That makes me feel like chopped liver...when he would rather play his online game then spend time with me. So I am afraid to ask and feel like I don'T deserve it anyway. /sigh.
Ok now that I vented, how about good news. I have been walking 5/7 days again for an hour a shot.I feel better for it. I have been widening my comfort zone for walking considerably too. The cool thing is now my comfort zome is big enough that I can walk all the way to the library to go get books for myself now. That I love since I love good books!
As I mentionned things are doing a bit better with the hubby which is good. We have a long way to go still but better is better!
Also, my family and husband too are being very nice about my being tired and such. As well, I have noticed I don't need as much sleep anymore. For a while I was like sleeping 16-18 hours a day whether I wanted to or not. Now I am down to 10-12 hours.
Finally, I just have been feeling that as tired and sad I feel sometimes, I really feel like it is going to get better. I just hope I can pull this together before I get fired lol. But yeah, I really feel like I am going to come out of this :)
I really find that venting with you guys has heped me so much through this. It helps me get over the sadness and the anxiety. When I get so terrified of feeling the way I do, I remind myself that there is help out there and that I have great suport right here :) You guys are the best.
Thanks again!
-Diva
. So can understand your frustration absolutely . Did you manage to ask him to go out ? Im glad you are getting on alot better , jeez marriage is hard work at times . 
