Hi Mike..
I completely relate to what you are going through.. I had been anxiety / ocd free for a number of years and had a "setback" this past January. For everyone it's different but I think sometimes our lives / bodies just change..and for whatever reason the disorder shows it's face again. There might not be a specific trigger that you can think of but maybe a busy past year.. a new job, moving etc. Many small things can add up to make a "trigger".. Maybe it's lifestyle.. your body is telling you it's time to slow down, or to regroup. Now although I can't offer you a magic answer I can tell you that you beat this before and you can do it again!! That's what you need to pull from... Personally I believe you need to take a positive look at it.. Although it is awful and for me terrifying when it's happening, I always think theres a lesson to be learned at that things happen for a reason.. Even if I think it fricken sucks!... lol...
I have never not carried on my daily life though..(not that this was easy.. I have always just "pushed" through it... luckily I've always worked in places I felt really supported and never ashamed of what was happening.. AND now I'm home with kids so this setback was really hard to push through as I had to be responsible for them too but again I have a great support circle herre) so I don't have much to offer in the way of not working. I am Canadian too though.. BC... and was wondering if you had short term disability available to you through your company?? Also, if you're looking for treatment at a relatively low cost or free, I suggest you contact your local universities.. They often have a mood disorders clinic / anxiety program that they run as they use it for studying purposes. I did this through UBC years ago.. and it was amazing!! and really helpful.. Although during a setback it's easy to forget all that we've learned... I really had to dig deep.
I do suggest you talk to your doctor though if you're already using avoidance as a coping mechanism.. Unfortunately this won't help you at all..and you may need an outside helping hand that can point you in the right direction.. Alternative therapies, counselling, or maybe even medications... Any or all of those things though are OK...and everyone needs a hand once in awhile.. That's what living is all about. I take medication personally and it is the only thing that works for me... I can meditate,eat right, excercise, do the program and my OCD just keeps coming back.. which then creates anxiety.. I'm alright though with it though as I'd rather be enjoying my life and not being worried about the stigma attached to needing them.. If they weren't available I know my quality of life wouldn't be what it is today.. For that I'm grateful.
You can do this Mike!! and it is only a setback. You just need to take the time to readjust and start living again.. You deserve a good life, not one full of fear and self doubt.. You're stronger than you think..and you just need to take it one step at a time.. maybe with a few steps back thrown in...
Good luck.. sorry for the ramble!
