As long as you are not in danger (meaning your husband is not physically abusive) I think you should not pressure yourself either way right now - it will only increase your anxiety. I have been reading a lot of posts from women speaking about how their husbands put them down or say hurtful things. I am amazed by your strength - I don't think I would be able to cope at all if I didn't have the complete support of my husband. A few minutes ago I started having an attack and could not breathe. My husband poured me a hot bath and is now rubbing my shoulders to release some of my tension. He is my rock.
I am not saying all this to gloat - not at all - I just want you and all the other women who don't have the support of their husbands to know that YOU DESERVE BETTER. You deserve shoulder rubs and hugs and I love you no-matter-what's, and anything else that helps you overcome this disorder.
I can see that going it alone with 4 kids could potentially be even more difficult than staying right now. Maybe try thinking of a couple of doable things that will make you feel more in control - like finding a marriage counsellor and talking to your husband about counselling. Tell him how serious this is to you and how much you need him to be there for you, and maybe sell it to him by explaining that counselling will make life so much better for BOTH of you.
Another thing that is making me feel more in control is being honest with my friends and family (one by one, gradually) about my panic attacks. I am getting more and more open about them - explaining that they are very common in the population, and are caused by taking on too much, being under too much stress and allowing yourself to worry about to much too often. I have found that not keeping this as a deep dark secret is a huge weight off my shoulders and actually helps alleviate some of the anxiety.
So call one or two of your closest friends or family, and ask them to come over for coffee (decaf of course!!). Tell them what you're going thru, start maybe by saying "I have been under so much stress for so long that I just can't do it alone anymore. I really need a friend." Tell them anxiety disorders are not uncommon and you are dealing with it, but that you could really use their companionship. I'm sure the