I echo the 'hope you got through that' sentiment wholeheartedly steelroots! You definitely hit the nail on the head, smoking won't change a thing. So what now?
You've racked up a lot of mileage so far on the distraction method of coping. But that can only get you so far, as you've just discovered - it's time to pull up your bravery boots and get down to looking at the reasons WHY you've been smoking when you've lit up all those 35 years. I firmly believe if you don't progress on to that stage of self understanding you're more at risk of falling off the horse down the line.
So go on and dig out your jack in the box and start cranking til the crazy clown pops out - confront the issue at hand, really think hard about why it is you are finding a situation so stressful, annoying, frightening, whatever applies. What is the deep seated emotion that is pushing you towards smoking? Once you've got it, think of non smokers that you know and respect and imagine them in the same situation. What would they do? Better yet, when the killer craves hit, why not go ask one of them! Why is it there are other people who, when faced with an incredibly stressful situation, don't smoke? Haven't ever smoked? Won't ever smoke? How do they do it?
One day you'll do it too, and you'll do it by reconditioning yourself to cope without smoking.
The longer I'm here, the more I wonder why you see everything out there about withdrawal, quit aids, weight gain, healthy snacks, etc when you quit smoking - 'try these patches', 'go to this group meeting', 'chew this gum', 'take this pill', 'eat these carrots'.
But I don't recall EVER EVER EVER seeing anything about dealing with the reasons WHY we smoke as visible in the general public realm - it was only when I came to the SSC folks were talking about it. Is it that the emotional / psychological things are still too taboo for us as a society to express openly? Is it shameful to admit we can't deal with emotions without a cigarette in hand? Possibly but I think we give the beast wings when we should be clipping them. Society tries to shame us but we need to rise above this as quitters.
Have faith and take comfort in the fact that you're entirely not alone in this. Keep the faith and just don't smoke!!
I wish you continued success.
x T
My Mileage:My Quit Date: 1/1/2007
Smoke-Free Days: 1232
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 28,336
Amount Saved: �7,792.40
Life Gained:Days: 109
Hrs: 22
Mins: 35
Seconds: 12