Just wanted to know if during this dr/dp if any of you had gotten the thought? I AM REAL or I am not real ...I sometimes sit and reassure myself with past memories, or I know my name is,, my fathers name is , I live at....It is like Obsessive..... Do you all get that way?

Got to tell you all this is the biggest , scarriest symptom that I have... the derealization.... I hate that worse then the Anxiety it self...... The weirdest thing about Anxiety/Depression/Panic are the symptoms it produces.. It is like it changes.. I used to think, I had heart problems, then it was stomach, then it was brain,,, Now I fear I am going crazy..... The derealization seems to affirm that fear ..... I sometimes wish psychiatrist would just issue me a placebo .... unknowingly of course. Just Give me a sugar pill and tell me that Stay on this for two weeks. there are no side effects, ... you will be totally better... I am willing to bet it would end all of the symptoms.. The trouble is how do you tell your psychiatrist to do that... then you would know what he was doing.... SO anyway.... I am still on this side of reality... and thanks for you all posting on such a frightening symptom.

Maja,Mel,Crystal,Wrestler I just wanted to share my experience with dope cos this was when I had my first really bad panic attack as an adult. It was 4 years ago and I was with some friends who gave me some to eat in a cake. I had never eaten it before, only smoked and had no idea of the possible effects. We had alcohol as well. Within an hour I was starting to feel like the top of my head was lifting off...then I got really scared and I was convinced my friends were going to harm me and I just had to get away. Nothing made sense and I couldn't concentrate any more. I ran out of my house in the dark somehow managed to get myself to my parents house. Then I was really unwell - pounding heart, very sick, very shakey. I kept pacing up and down the room trying to get a grip. But the mental fear was much worse than the physical effects - I felt like I wasn't in my own body or in my own mind anymore and that everything was evil and there was a plot to harm me. This went on for about 2 hours then fortunately I was sick from all the water I had been drinking and slowly began to feel better. The problem now is - I get flashbacks to that time and I have major problems drinking alcohol sometimes because I can associate it with that event. I even convince myself sometimes when I go out that someone has spiked my drink (yes, even in a coffee shop!!) and that I am going to start feeling wierd again, then I start to panic. All I can say is that it is slowly getting better, but I don't think I will ever forget the experience and I will definately never take the stuff (or anything else for that matter) again! It's good to hear I am not alone on this though. And by the way it took me a long time to repair my friendship with those friends who gave it to me!

Ok, I see a lot of people had this weird experience on marijuana. I feel reliefed! Again, I€™m not the only one! I already tried that test (to close one eye and chack which eye has floaters) €“ I have floaters in both eyes! I must say I haven€™t been to check my eyesight for at least 5 years, but when I was it was perfect! Doctors said €“ TOO PERFECT TO BE TRUE! But, then, you never know! I€™ll check it again. I don€™t know €“ this is my theory €“ but can this €˜floaters€™ be a result of a panic reaction? Because when in panic attack your pupils dilate very quickly €“ maybe too quickly €“ so maybe that sudden reaction makes a shock to your eye (as to whole body) resulting vitreous humor (that gelatinous fluid in eyeball) to bend too quickly so some little pieces of it fall out?!? I don€™t know, but it could happen that way. Because why would so many people with panic attacks have floaters and a perfect eyesight unless there€™s some good medical explanation?

Hello David, First thanks for reply! Then, I must tell you that I am pretty sure that this panic attacks during illegal drugs consummation must be only on our paranoid base. It happens only because we are afraid of what might happen to us when on it! We can hear it all around us:- Don€™t take drugs (illegal ones) they are bad for you! €“ nobody really tells us why are they so bad €“ but we know they€™re bad so we are afraid because what might happen not even knowing what we€™re afraid of! It€™s typical for us €“ panicers! We like to be afraid of something no matter we don€™t even know what that is we€™re afraid of! It€™s like our basic characteristic! Why should we not be afraid, why should we just let this drug makes us feel like something different than normal. We don€™t like to feel different than normal! Normal is good! Why would we challenge ourselves with distinction from reality? We might go crazy if too far from reality!Panicers don€™t like to chalenge (no bungee-jumping for panicers!!) ! Belive me, I know that feeling! That is my reason of not taking risks with other drugs €“ like MDMA, cocaine and especially LSD (we all know it really makes you unreal €“ thank you, but never!) and the reason I will never smoke pot again. Ok, I have much better reasons (he,he) for not taking those drugs €“ like self-responsibility, but still I must admit the first reason still lies in fear of it! You know that all of us, when having our first symptoms of anxiety, were thinking that something bad is happening with our bodies! We thought we have cancer, AIDS (not me, yet), symptoms of heart attacks (one night when I was working on computer for hours my left arm started to tingle and suddenly I lost feelings in it. It was like that arm don€™t belong to me anymore! My first thought was €“ I€™m having a heart attack! I went to the bathroom and took a cold shower on my arm (you know, for better circulation) and after 15 minutes my arm was good again. I now know it wasn€™t a heart attack, but then €“ I was scared to death!!!) , we maybe thought we were dying, but after every visit to ER or just our ordinary doctor we would found out everything was just good with us. I don€™t think I€™m the only one who felt like doctors didn€™t make enough tests or didn€™t observe me like they should! I

Maja-I totally understand-I do not smoke pot anymore for those reasons too!! my latest-I was just so bad that I couldn't see-I sat in my bathroom for an hour trying to read something so I could feel normal again, I chugged water and ate and ate to try to get it out of my system-It has always made me freak!!! I almost felt like I wasn't real! Also, what you said about lighting well, I constantly relate my vision problems or dizzy spells to light. My first panic attack was at a dim lighted restaruant so I figure it has something to do with it. I hate fluorescent lighting the most!! I get totally dizzy and nervous under those lights and when it is really dim and I can't see things perfectly I get really scared. I think it just must all be an anxiety thing. That is what I try to tell myself anyway. I have been to 2 eye dr.s this year-actually within the past six months and even had my family dr. look at my eyes-THEY ARE PERFECT. I just could not believe it! When I feel I "can't see" then I get dizzy and CONSTANTLY think I am going to black out or faint!! Anyway, just wanted to let you know that i can totally relate to your story!

Maja, also, I have experionce seeing spots in my eyes since I was little. It's almost like little circles. I have been told they are microscopic things that are natural. Not sure if this is the same as what you mentioned. I also read where you talked about De javu. I get scared when this happens. It started happening a lot when I was off my meds. It usually foretold bad feelings. My therapist says to ask a pschyciatrist about it. I may look it up now that you mention it as you say there's a medical reason. Has to be some sort of imbalance. OK, I shared some more. I hope this helps you to know that I have experienced many similar things. I have not had an easy time of it recently. I suffered a withdrawl from valium recently and had to take 5 days off work. I felt I could get off it quicker. But I now realized if I use it properly, it can be very helpful. I mostly use it at work when I get nervous being arund so many people. I often do not need it. David

Maja, I had an experience with Marijauna in 1982 and I had the depersonalization/confusion after it because I had a panic attack while high. And I just plain did not feel like I knew myself. But I must ad that I had these feelings before, but just did not know what it was. There were certain times where things felt strange and nothing seemed the same but I could not explain it. I also had OCD abou dying and did the ritual thing with light switches and cracks in the sidewalk, you name it. I first thought, in 1982, that I gave myself brain damage, but I was laater told it was caused by the panic attack. I now realize that what I think is depersonalization is really a form of confusion and it's most prevailant when OCD is at its height. I was on my way to Orlando the other night to see a girl I am dating. I put Dark Side of the Moon in my CD player and during one of David Gilmour's guitar solos, I began to come out of it. I really got hypnotized by the guitar. That album talks a lot of life in general and depression and simple things. I recommend it to anyone. But my point is, that I felt like complete hell a few days ago, mainly Wednesday to around Saturday afternoon, with some moments of happiness in between from seeing my the girl I am dating, but my drive to Orlando I was able to relax enough to where I pulled myself out of it. I recently went back on triavil (low dosage) and I have had moments of feeling like myself and moments of feeling unlike myself. I think the balance is coming back, but it's a touhg road. Has anyone ever heard the poem "There's a Hole in My Sidewalk?" Do a search on google. It's a very good lesson. Sorry if I rambled, but when someone mentioned an experience with pot, I had to post again. I was a scared 16-year old in 1982 and I thought I ruined my life. All I found out is that it just brought my panic to the front and it would have come out eventually. Also a few days after I smoke the pot, a doctor gave me Haldol. Big mistake. The following day, my eyes went to the back of my head. I am glad I stayed home from school that day. My parents rushed me to the hospital. Benadryl cured it. Go figure. My mother always has called it a blessing in disguise. I've never used illegal drugs since that day in 1982.

Hi Maja, I can relate, I dont smoke for that reason, it just freaks me right out. I had problems with the dizziness, spacy feeling for a while. Once I started taking meds it went away, but boy was it scary...though I was losing it and I thought I was epiliptic as well, also thought I was having a stroke..etc..etc.. it is the anxiety playing tricks on us. It can do some really weird things. I find i feel better when I can learn to ignore these things...but it is hard to do. You should get your eyes checked just to be safe, but I think what you have are called "floaters" i developed them this summmer, they move with your eye, sometimes they can be jelly or stringing looking and sometimes just spots that look like shadows. I got my eyes checked when I got these and she said my eyes were fine. Floater are very common and are harmless. sometimes they are in just one eye sometimes in both if you close one eye and look at something white you will see which eye it is in. Hope that helps.

It's very strange... You all semmed to have this dd feeling (derealization/depersonalization) caused by your medication and I never used any of them ever and still have that awful feeling almost every day. I'm almost certain that the first time I had that odd feeling was when I tried marihuana. I've tried marijuana 3-5 times and only once had a really good experience.And other few times... Ohhhh... I really don't like to remember those feelings. Well, ok, I'm here to finally speak about my problems so I will. My first terrifying experience with m was when my best friend (a girl) and two other guys just smoked a joint and we were walking from the beach to our home. Iz was very quit and nobody was speaking, just walking. I was walking slowly and all of my friends were few steps infront of me when I suddenly heared a voice from my best friend's grandpa calling at her. It was imposible because her grandpa was miles away from that place and you couldn't hear a dog barking in that village. I was terrifyed so I just ran to my friend. Just to feel I'm with someone alive. Later that evening I had a lot perception problems like - I couldn't hear people talking normaly I heared them sort of like their voices are coming from one side and then going somewhere far away and then come back. Like, I could see them but not hear every word they say because their voices were coming and going away. I was pretty slow that evening too, like, someone askes me a question and I would answer it 5 minutes later. I was aware of all this stuff. I knew I'm slow, but I couldn't help it. After that I didn't smoke m for more than a year. Then, next time we smoked I had a panic attack, and I really mean a PANIC ATTACK! It was horror! I don't think any of you ever experienced it but I had DEJA VU for whole two hours. That was the first time I realized deja vu has to have a medical explanation. And it had! Just imagine that everything you look at is deja vu?!? You feel like you seen all that before! After some time (an hour) I had a deja-vu panic-attack I convinced myself it's a normal thing for marijuana and just waited it to go away. Imagine me on LSD!!! Oh, boy wouldn't it be something special - a Broadway show! After that I never smoked m again (for 6 years) - and thank you but no thank you -