I am about ready to do some serious exposure. I am agoraphobic and have been for years. I KNOW all about the fight/flight response, and I understand the physical symptoms etc. I can seem to accept that fairly well, although at this particular moment, I am not having a PA. However...I just can't come to grips with this fear of going crazy or loosing control. When I think of what exactly this means to me well...this is it ok...
1. I am pertrified that I will forget who I am
2. I am petrified that I will never return home BECAUSE I forget where that is, and that I'll forget my kids
3. During a PA, I sometimes fear that I will start screaming my head off, crying, rocking myself like a child, lost in my own little world
Nope, this has never happened. Not even once but why in heck I am so afraid of this is beyond me.
I want a GUARANTTEE that I will never go crazy or 'lose it'. I have read before that no one has ever gone crazy but boy...I sure feel like I was close. So close, it feels like I just made it out in the nick of time.
Can anyone else relate to this nonsense and how did you deal with it?
One of my exposures is a dream vacation I planned for my husband and I in May. I thought I'd have all kinds of time to do some exposure and such but I haven't done any. I keep putting it off. When I booked my ticket I thought...ok, you wasted enough of your life ... book it. The worst that can happen is that you will postpone it. Big deal. But in my mind's eye, I often picture myself going looney on the plane and then I get so discouraged.
ARGH!
Help
Danielle
