Steve...It sounds to me like you're just incredibly depressed and angry. You deserve to be angry. This is just an incredibly painful and debilitating illness. It also loads on the guilt because everyone keeps saying, "Just try...You have to try harder...Just relax..." Right. People who haven't experienced anxiety, panic, agoraphobia, etc. are just clueless. They interpret anxiety as being "nervous" like when they had to give a speech somewhere, etc. Those two things are as different as night and day. I used to be nervous before a piano recital, to the point of throwing up, but it still didn't even come close to the feelings I had with the severe anxiety and panic I experienced later. Not even close. I know Nardil sounds scary but I think it often works for people who have tried many other drugs that haven't worked. Also, before my doctor retired we were discussing a switch from Nardil to something else because I was tired of being fat (poor me, right?) I gained about 40 lbs after starting Nardil, but I think I would have gladly given up a limb just to feel normal again. After 17 years of feeling good I started thinking about the fat...maybe I could stay feeling good on another drug? Anyway, he gave me this information. A drug he thought was possibly worth a try was "Eldepryl" (generic: selegiline). I wish I would have checked the drug lists before writing this note so that I was surer of the info I'm giving you. I think selegiline is also an MAOI like Nardil, but in a different group. He told me that it was used in the treatment of Parkinson's disease. The interactions with food and meds are fewer, I think. In any case, both Nardil and Eldepryl come in patch form now so that the drug bypasses the intestines and therefore removes the food restrictions. You might want to check it out. I haven't switched yet but I'm still thinking about it, particularly if they can't make Nardil up to standards anymore. Good night.

I've seen 6 pshyciatrists in all these years of this mental imprisonment, 4 different therapists before, Went to a relaxation class once when I 1st got this S**T I liked it but the guy who did the session moved & he even told me I still seemed extremely tense...1 of my old therapists of years ago did hypnosis on me either it didn't work on me or maybe the counselor wasn't good..I don't know...went to a few group meetings but it wasn't really for me, It just made me more angry because the people there were sucessful & I'm not, I've been on so many different medications & antidepressants too which to me only made my anxiety extremly worse. I live on Klonopin & I'm addicted to it I have to take it as soon as I wake up most of the times it's that bad..and I have to carry it with me in a little case mostly evertyime I go anywhere...I've never tried meditation or subliminal hypnosis tapes though The last one I was given samples of was Wellbutrin..After seeing the side effects of that NO WAY..this doctor's trying to kill me I gotta try to see someone else...& Nardil....I'm not too sure about that at all after doing some reading about it. Anyways I just got back I went out & saw the kinda 2 true friends I really have left I grew up with that I haven't talked to in a while. By the way My Grandfather I always considered my best friend and I never looked up to anybody as much as him (R.I.P. 1920-1994 ) They were with a couple other people I never met at 1st & I could barely even say a word. I felt petrified like a rock. That's never like me at all. I am LOSING IT. But then they left & it was just me & my old friends & all we did is just reminisce & reminisce of all these memories.....that's all I have..memories... I lived a wild & crazy life too fast I guess. But at least being around them made me feel kinda better that there might be hope that I will get over this BS ..even though they are still outgoing unlike me anymore ..they know I get panic attacks & I'm depressed but I'm still too ashamed to admit that I'm more agoraphobic then I ever used to be...but when I hear that "I was alot happier when I drank", "there was never a boring moment being around me when I drank" and stuff like that.... That kinda gets to me. But when I get asked a million

I also understand where you are coming from. Though I was never the most social person in a crowd, I always enjoyed spending time with my friends especially if our fun had anything to do with music! About six months ago, I had my first panic attack. It was absolutely insane! It changed my life completely. I couldn't remember stuff, I fell behind on bill paying and work responsibilities, and was having panic attacks all the time! I also stopped going out to visit with people. The hardest part of dealing with my socialphobia was telling my friends and family about it. I thought that people would think I was weird and wouldn't want to be around me in case I 'freaked out'. I did lose a couple friends. But the ones who care about me for who I am have just come to understand that the panic and anxiety is now a part of me. Now I can go out and socialize, when I feel like it. If I'm having an 'off' day, and decide not to go out, my friends are understanding. And if I do have panic when I'm out with people, I know I can quietly mention it and someone will help me out and then leave and I won't be ridculed like I always thought I would be. I know I'm different than most of you, because I don't have agoraphobia, but I do know how it feels to suddenly lose your social life. The lonliness was the worst part, still is.

Steve...I know exactly how you feel. I'm 56 years old now. Panic attacks, anxiety and depression hit me when I was around 22. For about fifteen years I struggled with all sorts of therapies: psychotherapy, group therapy, relaxation therapy, hypnosis, cognitive therapy and about a zillion different anti-depressants and tranquillizers. Those fifteen years pretty much screwed up my life. I depended on Serax and then Xanax to get me through the days. When I had my first (and only) child I really suffered because I felt not only was my "problem" hurting me, it was hurting my daughter. I was just about at the end of my rope. But, thanks to a good doctor, I was started on Nardil and miraculously my symptoms abated and I very nearly returned to my "old self." Life became a joyous thing again. I'm not saying that Nardil is the right drug for you, because some people have terrible reactions to it. Nor am I saying that some people can't be helped by various therapies other than drug therapy. I just couldn't be helped by anything other than Nardil. I joined the forum today because Pfizer, the drug company who makes Nardil has somehow changed the formula and I've discovered on other forums that many Nardil users are noticing that the "new" Nardil (it looks different than the "old" Nardil) simply isn't working anymore. So for the last couple of weeks I've been feeling all the symptoms of anxiety that I haven't experienced for 17 years. It's horrible. But mainly I wanted to tell you to not give up hope, try to find a medication that will help you be your "old self." It's possible for that to happen. It happened to me.

Steve, Your post made me really sad. I am the same age as you(well, I just turned 26) and I really think I know how you feel. Please try to stay hopeful. My mom had panic attacks and agoraphobia when she was about my age and today she is pretty much fine. She still has that "I have to get out of here" kind of feeling in stores once in awhile, but she knows it's just a part of her and how to deal with it. I really hated myself for awhile about a month ago when this nightmare forced me to withdraw from college, but I decided I really had to love myself and work hard on getting better. Sounds preachy, I know, but I just think you can never give up on yourself. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. :)Sarah " I'll tear my heart out, before I give up."

Yeah I used to drink HEAVILY to avoid the symtoms & the next day alot I would feel horrible unless I drank again. There was times when I used to throw up & gag all day long for a couple days afterwards even sometimes. I even have acid reflux problems from it. Yeah agoraphobia sure does suck. Not only did I used to party alot & socialize, I was on my way to throwing parties when I was younger. I DJ'd when I was in highschool & graduated in '95, a little bit afterwards & always dreamed to go to school to produce music. That's ALL I ever cared about but I guess I partied WAY too much & lost it with these **** panic attacks & all that I got in '98 when I was 20. ME, alot of people in highschool & I used to hang around with always thought I would be a famous producer one day. In 1997 I thought I was on my way to becoming one. Clubbing & music was my life. I even got some equipment & tons of records but it's like what the hell. The last couple times I went to a club I didn't drink but I had to take my medication in the bathroom, had a hard time with the **** dizziness & faintness could barely even stand on the dancefloor. Same thing in college I went for music production but dropped the music classes I was panicking & doped myself up on my medication besides the teacher was a jerk.....So yeah I don't think I'll ever be my old self again either because before I had agoraphobia & all these symptoms that don't ever stop that's who I was & what I wanted to be & those were my dreams..Time just keeps passing by...& I'm getting pretty sick watching it go by. The other night I heard some Halloween house party blasting music from far away evrybody having fun & here I am sitting listening to it in the backyard by myself I feel so pathetic. 25 years old now ....... it's like I don't care about anything anymore. No job , no car, no life...I just can't picture where I see myself in the future. By the way alot of you sound like me too I was always outgoing & the life of the party(most of the time) Sarah I tripped a few times when I was 16 & I wish I would have seen a doctor back then cuz now I know that the extremely bad trips I had were panic attacks. I wish I so **** much I could turn back time & never have. Even weed I can't even smoke either it always gave me similar

Mom2Jasper, I don't mean to put a downer on here, but I believe there will never be the old me. She is gone, now I have to deal with the new me, which pretty much sucks. Before I got on zoloft, I was actually thinking of ways to kill myself. I am serious, my friend is depressed, so we were talking about getting a rope, and doing it. I belong to 4 sites like this one, and I have never seen anyone go back to the way they used to be, with exception of a few. I just come to realize that this is a disorder that I have, it's almost like diabetes or cancer. You just take your meds and deal with it. On the up side... I have 2 beautiful girls, a loving husband, 3 cats, and some pretty wonderful friends, on and off the computer. My advice to everyone, try not to look at the past, keep looking to the future!!!

I too have some of the some socail gatherings uncomfortableness but it's more like going to church and haveing to meet greet every one. I feel ood and really unaproachable I get these feeling at AA/NA meeting to.I just don't feel comfortable with too many people rushing into my space I geuss.I'm taking five different combination of medications four times a day.THis seems to help but,I have a very stressfull job and I was digniosed with sleep Apnia were I don'nt get enuogh air when I'm asleep. This causes day time sleepyness.So I sleep with machine that pushes air into my nose that sapose to fix the problem So I'm really stressed out Panic attacks all day.Supervisors have given some slack but com on.I think I'm narcaleptitic.

Hi everyone, I too used to be quite a partier. I have often thought that may be why I am being punished in this most horrible way. I experimented with LSD the summer I was 15 (I'm 26 now) and On the 5th time I took it I had my first panic attack, called 911 and ended up in the ER. I felt weird and had panic attacks for a few years after that and also developed severe OCD. I never took acid again and eased up on the drinking and pot as well. Now I haven't even touched pot in about 7 years and I don't even drink anymore and have drunk only occasionally in the last 4 or 5 years. So when I ended up with this sudden attack of panic 1 and a half years ago (which has spiralled into this awful panic/agoraphobic nightmare that i'm in today) I really wondered what I had done to deserve it. I've been "good", really turned my life around, went back to school, grew up,etc. Does anyone else feel like they deserve this somehow? I seem to have a lot of guilt but I'm not sure why. Sorry for the long rant. Sarah

anxietygirl, I swear you sound like me talking! I used to be the life of the party. So outgoing, so friendly, so loved. And now... I'm afraid of social situations for fear of these stupid panic attacks. I often look back to the person I used to be and I get depressed because I want so bad to be "her" again. Steve, I am constantly dizzy and lightheaded. That's another reason it's hard for me to go out in public - I always feel like I am going to faint. Trust me I understand!