I had a dream last night I took two drags off a cigarette and put it out. In my dream I felt so guilty! I woke up thankful I didn't blow my quit. You had a very vivid dream - LOL. Glad it was just a dream.

Last night I had a dream that I smoked. It was SO real, I could feel the heat of the smoke going down my throat, could feel the cloud of my exhale on its way back out. On the one hand, I was REALLY upset because I blew my quit, but on the other, I was calm and accepting. I sat there and smoked and considered what to do. I thought about lying about it or just not mentioning it, both online at this site and in real life and quickly discarded that option. No, as I drew in drag after drag of smoke into my lungs, I accepted that the one cigarette - just one! - had pulled me completely back in. I was officially unquit. I was a smoker again, just like that. No, rather than hiding it or lying, I figured I might as well just announce it to everyone, they're gonna know soon enough anyway. As for online, well, I made the decision never to log onto this site again. I would just quietly disappear. It's not like anyone would notice anyway. I woke up and it took me a full minute to convince myself that I hadn't actually smoked. OMG, it was just a dream. I was so relieved that I hadn't blown my quit, that I burst into tears. I've been an emotional wreck all day, every little thing has me tearing up and sniffling... and jonesing for a smoke, believe it or not. At four weeks, I guess I was due for this particular bump in the road, but ya'd think after my relief this morning that a smoke would be the last thing I'd want! Anyway, I rode my new bike to work today, that was fun. And a really good thing because all day long I've been offsetting these emotions with sweets. :) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 1/1/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 28 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 860 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $84 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 2 [B]Hrs:[/B] 22 [B]Mins:[/B] 51 [B]Seconds:[/B] 0

[center]Thanks, y'all. < sniff > I hope this emotional phase doesn't last long. < sniff > I'm runnin' outta Kleenex. [img]http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y137/sammijofl/emotional.jpg[/img] P.S. for Sweetluv: You hang in there. We can beat this thing! [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 1/1/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 28 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 864 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $84 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 2 [B]Hrs:[/B] 23 [B]Mins:[/B] 9 [B]Seconds:[/B] 23

Danielle, Phil, & Dutch � Thanks so much for your input! Your posts made me feel �normal� (instead of like the whacked-out-basket-case I�ve been feeling like)! And to my fellow dreamers: KiwiKeith, omg after 123 days quit and you�re still having dreams?! Okay, well, it helps to know that this kinda thing might still be happening months from now, so at least maybe I can be prepared for it better! Rainie, LOL, your poor husband must�ve been truly mystified about what he�d done wrong to set you off! But yeah! That�s how real this dream seemed! Imallclear, ROFL!!! I actually [i]snorted[/i] when I read your post! Too funny! [center]* * * * * * * * * * * *[/center] A quick update� Today is Wednesday and I�m just now getting past and beyond the whole emotional thing. I spent most of Monday crying, so much so that my contact lenses were all foggy by bedtime. I was a bit better yesterday but it wasn�t until this afternoon that I really felt more like myself. Is this going to come and go? Can I expect this to happen again? I did have one neat outcome from the whole thing. One of my co-workers, C., stayed late this evening and we got to talking and I told her about my horrible day on Monday. This led to a conversation about my quitting smoking. She was asking me questions about it, so I told her about this site and some of the stuff I�d learned here. After about 10 minutes of this topic, I said to her, �Let�s continue this outside so you can smoke.� She laughed and looked at me like how-did-you-know. [i]It ain�t been that long, honey, I still remember what it was like whenever someone brought up the topic of quitting � it always made me want one![/i] We talked for another 15 minutes outside and she was VERY interested! She wanted to know how bad the craves were and how I�d been handling them, stuff like that. When we walked back inside, she said (and this is so cool)� [color=green]�I want to quit, I know I want to quit. In the next few weeks, keep telling me stuff, I want to hear more so that I can get to that place where I want to quit more than I want to smoke.�[/color] Is that cool or what!!! [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 1/1/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 30 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 925 [B]Amo

I have been having the same dreams! I feel so bad when i wake up cause it does feel so real... In my dream i was finding places to hide the cigs.. I cant beleave how bad i have been craving a cig today, after i was done eating i had that horrible feeling in my mouth that i needed one. I cant beleave how much cigs took over my life when i was smoking.. I am so proud of myself for quiting this long and i want to stay smoke free for the rest of my life.. I dont want cigs to take over my life anymore! It feels so good to have money and not spend the money on cigs anymore. Istead i'm buying junk food :(.. god i didnt know that smoking took so much from me and quiting would do the same.. I just feel... god i dont know how i feel anymore, I feel like crap cause i dont feel attractive anymore. I feel that quiting was the right thing for me but i dont want to keep eating! sorry just needed to vent alittle... [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 1/6/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 23 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 119 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $115 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 1 [B]Hrs:[/B] 13 [B]Mins:[/B] 46 [B]Seconds:[/B] 4

Sweetluv Look at all the time on your meter...You are doing very well indeed...Venting is good, smoking, well you know... Keep on going, you can break through this mind game, and when you do imagine how much confidence you will gain...You are very attractive simply for the fact that you are here and fighting... nonic [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/25/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 35 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 859 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $245 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 6 [B]Hrs:[/B] 15 [B]Mins:[/B] 40 [B]Seconds:[/B] 35

Sammijo I do hope that you are not planning on just slipping away. I have been delighted to read all of your posts, including the one about the bike. I am glad that you rode it to work today, that should have given you a bit of lift...Besides who else will suffer through my poetry and take the time to add a graphic or two. I know this is a rather complex addiction...For me anyway it is very much tied to my emotional state of being as well as the physical self. You seem to be a person who has the gift of immagination in triplicate, so I would not find it unusual that you would have a dream. Perhaps, and this is only speculation, this is your immagination protecting you from acting out in the "real" world...Maybe it is yourself operating in safe mode so to speak. That is a great thing...you are so dedicated to this quit that you are working on it even while you are sleeping. Keep at it my friend, I have a feeling that you have the right stuff to get through this...Go ride your bike...and keep on dreaming it suits you well... nonic

there can be a difference between a slip and a relapse. not to give you permission or anything. but if anything ever were to happen, i would hope that you wouldn't just quietly disappear. maybe you could explore that. we don't expect you to be super human and it would make us look bad too. besides i don't think you could quietly disappear - your too personable for that. glad about your bike, as one person i once knew liked to say "you gotta make your own joy". i think i'll go ride my bike - thanks for the idea. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/29/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 31 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 318 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $155 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 3 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 22 [B]Seconds:[/B] 2

Sammi, dreams can be so much a part of it, so can raw emotions. After I read this I dreamed I also relapsed (not the first dream of this sort for me). I got all the rest of the stuff that you had. It got me thinking about having too close of an association (though I also think it strongly reflects the closeness in the quit). Anyway, I was thinking - could you please dream of winning the lottery tonight. I sure would appreciate it. Thanks. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/29/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 33 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 330 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $165 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 3 [B]Hrs:[/B] 3 [B]Mins:[/B] 10 [B]Seconds:[/B] 12

:) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/29/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 31 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 320 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $155 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 3 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 50 [B]Seconds:[/B] 10