It sounds as though you're conscious of your negative self-talk when you indulge in it. That's terrific and necessary. Remember it takes one negative, critical or judgmnental idea to begin the inner conversation. If you can stand back during those times and stop it dead in its tracks, you can reverse it and substitute positive statements. It sounds like you might have something there with your meds. It's a great idea to talk the meds over with your doctor. Your pharmacist may help shed some light on it too.

I got a full 8 hours of sleep last night. I felt really great when I went to bed. Full of life and looking forward to the morning. I woke this morning and took the Effexor right away. 2 hours later I am feeling nervous and anxious. I actually am beginning to think that this medication (at it's current doseage) is making me feel worse. I seem to feel my best several hours before I am supposed to take my next dose. I have an appointment Tuesday with the doc and I will express my concerns to her. Maybe this is not the right stuff for me or perhaps the doseage is too high for me. I had a very brief encounter with the negative thoughts this morning but it never went very far and did not elevate to the anxiety level. The self talk is difficult to master but I will continue using it. What seems to work best is re-direction. I start doing something else that requires my mental attention. Reading, a small household project etc... Yardwork and watching TV dont work as my mind drifts during those activities. I finally started the Panic Program yesterday. Heres to hoping everyone has a great Sunday. Mike

It was not a good morning for me today. I woke at five and moved to the couch to keep from disturbing my wife. I was sweating, nervous and trembling. Then the negative thoughts began. I thought that was odd because it usually happens that the thoughts trigger the symptoms not the other way around. Anyway, it lasted almost 2 hours. I suppose I shold have turned on the TV or gone for a walk but I thought I cold go back to sleep if I just laid there long enough. :( When the sun came up and I began to move around I went to the Effexor home page to check the side effects closely. Guess what? Sweating, trembling and nervousness were listed there. Since I had just increased my doseage the day before, I assume that what happened wasnt an actual panic attack but just side effects from the medication (it sure felt like one though). It now looks like I will need to take the Effexor in the morning rather than the evening if I want to get any sleep. It probably didnt help much that I had skipped dinner last night either. I am experiencing several of the other side effects as well, so I will speak to the doctor on Tuesday about whether this medication is the right stuff for me. I am working on my "self talk", sometimes I can pull it off and other times I cant. I understand it takes a great deal of practice to be proficient at it. Im feeling better now but still dont want to go anywhere or do much of anything. Two steps forward, one step back I suppose. Tomorrow will be a better day. Thanks for reading Mike

Hi, Mike. It sounds like you're feeling a little better today. I've been through the Panic program and learned a lot from it. By going through it and paying attention to every word, a person can certainly be helped to modify their behavior. It's free so there's nothing to lose, and it's quite a full program, full of sound thinking, created by a psychologist expert in the field. It just might help you put a few pieces back in place here and there that you may not have realized were out of whack or something. It gives strategies for questioning your thoughts too. It helped me to realize that I was conditioned in school to be afraid of something and the interoceptive exercises reinforced the right way to go about overcoming it. So yes, do give it a go. Be our guest :)

[quote]I was considering doing the panic program you offer but I dont really suffer from panic attacks exactly (more anxiety episodes). Would the program still benefit me?[/quote] that question was directed to Anne-Marie or Melanie, (not marie-ann)....sorry for my name dislexia there Mike

Progress report. I took my first .75 dose of Effexor last night. I have also been reading the book by Lucinda Bassett I mentioned earlier. Im not sure what was the cause but this morning I awoke about 45 minutes before the alarm was supposed to go off. I know everything says to get up and busy yourself right away but I thought I would give this positive thinking thing a try. To my suprise I was able to maintain positive affirming thoughts for 95% of that time. The negative thoughts would creep in and I would challenge them immediately with a countering positive one. The one positive mantra that kept re-surfacing was "That is past now, there is nothing you can do about it. You were not the same person you are now and the person here now would never let that happen again". To my surprise that would alway re-direct my thoughts to more pleasant subjects like what to do this weekend or which CD I will listen to on my way to work. I even had music going in the background of my thoughts. I refer to that as my "Mind Muzak" :) The extra doseage of the Effexor seems to have made me a little jumpy this morning but not anxious. I havent decided yet whether to take the Xanax or not but I have made progress from several days ago when I would have downed it right away. I feel like I have taken a Contac or some other cold medication. "Wired" might be an appropriate word to describe this sensation. The weekend is coming. I know I will not be able to sleep late but the rest of the family will. I will have 2 hours alone in the morning at least. Maybe that would be a good time to watch a movie or an informercial about a real estate plan that will allow you to buy multi-story buildings with no money down and give you "six-pack" abs at the same time! :) Anyway, thanks for reading. Marie-ann, I was considering doing the panic program you offer but I dont really suffer from panic attacks exactly (more anxiety episodes). Would the program still benefit me? Mike

My morning report. There is something strange about the morning. Maybe it is that your body chemicals arent flowing yet or something else but it never fails that I still feel my most anxious in the AM. This morning is no different. I dont feel the depression like I was but the anxiety is still there. But get this, I cant decide what I am anxious about! For the past several weeks I was very much aware of the thoughts that were making me anxious, now it is just an overall feeling of sorts. No specific thing. In fact, when I do a mental search for a troubling thought I cant find one, and when I try to make one up it quickly dissipates or I can just dismiss it. And yet, the overall anxiousness persists. It is an uneasy feeling like waiting for something to happen but not knowing what it is that is going to happen. Or worse....knowing nothing is going to happen but worrying anyway. I am reading a book called "Panic to Power" by Lucinda Bassett. It is a good read and deals with the "mind over mind" kind of self help. Im not sure it will work for me but when reading the book I feel empowered so I guess that is a good thing. Anyone have any experience with this book? I know she has several programs for sale as well but they are a bit on the pricey side. Of course, if I [b]knew[/b] they would work I'd order them today. The 1.5 mgs of Xanax (.5 three times a day) I am taking now tends to take the edge off but it does make me sleepy as well. The depression part seems to be fading rather quickly so I am concentrating mostly on the anxiety. I wish there was some way to go from laying down to sleep at night to popping up directly at my desk the next day at work, simply bypassing this morning period. :) When I think of all the problems that other people have in their lives I realize how fortunate I really am just to have this as my curse, but that doesnt ease the suffering. Im going to keep working on it til I get the right combination of meds and "self talk" going so that I can wake up and go about my business like I used to. That is my quest. Thanks for reading and thanks to everyone for responding. The responses really do help me. Mike

im really glad you're going about your issues in a positive way and i've noticed that talking on here like you said helps. i just finished my freshman year in college and i'm not going back. it got to the point that every morning before class i'd worry myself sick about it. i'd either have a panic attack or be in the bathroom all morning from worrying about it. i'm on more meds now and am doing therapy and i've seen a great difference. not sure if its because i've gotten rid of the stressful stuff or cuz of the meds and doctor. anyways, keep moving around your system until you find something that works. maybe listening to your fav music when you check your email in the mornings would help. anything to get you in a good mood from the start.talk to your wife about how you feel and when you do..so maybe she can leave you a note to find or just something out of nowhere when she knows you're not going to be doing well. things like that for me always helped. one more thing. maybe you spend too much time in the morning just relaxing and getting ready for the day. i found that when i gave myself more time to get ready ..i also gave myself more time to worry..and get anxious about ****. keep your head busy. good luck and i hope things are doing better for you. :)

Thanks Melanie! So far so good today. I havent had any real "problems" so far and I have cracked a joke or two around the office. According to my calculations if I am just "time shifting" my depression by changing the med delivery time, I should start to feel a little dumpy around 3-4pm. But I have a positive attitude and I wont let it get me. Gonna pracice some serious self talk and whip this thing before it gets started. Thanks for the support. Mike

Good Morning Mike, You are sounding extremely positive today :). It is great to hear that you are staying fit and healthly. Regarding your increase in Effexor...talk to your doctor and tell him what you have told us. Let him know that you are unsure of what to expect when the dose is increased. Mike, your docotor knows you just as well as you know yourself. His answers will be beneficial in helping you live each day with unanswered questions. I hope that I have guided you in the right direction. Have yourself a great day :) Melanie