Thanks,Ladie79. What you said makes all the sense in the world. Everyone on this site has helped so much{esp.,Anne-Marie}. I had been feeling alot better about things-even myself. I dont know whats wrong but today I feel lousy. Im depressed, and I feel kind of blank--I cant explain it. I can hardly get words to come out of my mouth. Thanks again for your reply. Take Care.

hey angel. i got out of a controling relationship 2 yrs ago, well.. we're coming up on the 2nd yr annivesary of the break up. i'll be celebrating!! so i understand where you're coming from. i'm afraid i have no true advice for you. it's one of those things that you have to figure out yourself. heal yourself. and love yourself. i'm still having problems i won't go into. BUT i wish you all the best healing from all the damage he's done. it's a long hard road, but it's so much better then living through that.

Doc. Im so sorry to hear that your going through the same. I was married to a cop before this jerk. We were married 4yrs. I really adored him. He cheated on me too. He wasnt abusive,but such a womenizer. Im not an ugly women,and so I think ALL men are like this. Thanks to this last one I think I probably will be alone the rest of my life. I dont believe I will ever trust another man. I dont want to be alone,and Im really alittle scared of the thought, but this will probably be it for me. Right now, you focus on yourself and your child. Mr.MAN will more than likely be giving you a call if and when he gets a dose of reality. But if I was you-I wouldnt answer the phone. I was having BAD panic attacks up untill a couple of days ago. This support group has helped me realize alot. Im so grateful for all the advice. I thought I was going crazy. I know Im not cured,and Im sure I will have more attacks,but I also know I can talk to you guys and thats a great comfort. You hang in there and TAKE CARE! :)

Angel, I continually find myself in relationships that end the way yours did. I don't know if i would call them so much as abusive, however they were misleading. I am a single Mom who was dating a cop for the last 7 months he is 38 and never been married told me I was "THE ONE" Now a few weeks before he was to move in with us and i was diagnosed with a tumor on my thyroid he thinks I am a drama queen and needs "space" this has brought me right back into my attacks, they seem to increase with evety stressful situation. I too am looking for a way to accept the fact that I may be alone for the rest of my life and that should be o.k. but I don't feel that it is. I also have a fear of being home alone and don't know if that is why I stick to the jerks in my life! If anyone has some words of wisdom I could surely use them now as I feel as though I am spinnign out of control! Doc :quest:

Anne-Marie. I havenet sighned up for it yet,but I will.I thought I was going to havean attack this morning and so I walked out in the back yard and went up to my dogs grave,started talking to her.went and got the bird food,started feeding them. I thought about what you said {about nature},and I walked around looking at everything. And it really is quite beautiful.They have 5 acres and so there is alot to look at. My 6yr.old neice is here for the week-end and it has been nice having her around. But she will have to go home tommorrow,and Im going to miss her. TAKE CARE,and THANK YOU. :)

Hi Angel. I'm happy to learn you panic has gone. Have you signed up for the Panic program?

Thank you also,Anne-Marie. And I didnt neccesarilly mean that I only wanted Anne Marie to respond--I need all the help I can get. Anne-Marie should be a motivation speaker {doesnt everyone agree?}. And yeh, some of the abuse I encountered was awful,and I have no excuse for staying in it so long. I quess my self esteem. I know talking with all of you has been of great help. I already feel better--not so anxious,and my panic attack is gone for now. THANKS! :)

Thank you Trillian for your reply. What you said makes alot of sense. And I agree with everything you said.

Angel, I know it hurts. But if you were in an abusive relationship, I'm so happy for you that you're out of it! Be sad, in fact be angry for what the abuse did to you, but not for being out of that situation. No matter how it ended, the important thing is that the abuse has ended. When someone controls another and practices cruelty, then self-esteem is indeed affected. It's like having a tumor removed from a hip. For a while you have trouble walking straight, because you were used to walking lopsided and having someone knock you over all the time. You got used to that, but it wasn't ok, as that's not the way we were intended to walk. You can walk staight again. It's far far better to walk straight alongside someone who's also walking straight and who might even catch you if you trip, don't you think? How about grabbing a pillow, hugging it tight and having a good cry if you feel the need. Then pour yourself a nice warm bath. Allow the warm water to soothe you as you take some slow deep breaths. Take some ddep breaths now. Breathe in enough to push out your belly. Do five for a count of five as you breathe in. Here is something about change. By Portia Neilson, I believe. "Chapter 1 I walk down a street and there's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. It takes forever to get out. It's my fault. Chapter 2 I walk down the same street. I fall in the hole again. It still takes a long time to get out. It's not my fault. Chapter 3 I walk down the same street. I fall in the hole again. It's becoming a habit. It is my fault. I get out immediately. Chapter 4. I walk down the same street and see the deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it. Chapter 5. I walk down a different street." Some of us were raised to be submissive, and this submissivemess has allowed others to control and abuse. But no one deserves that. It isn't ok. We have to make better choices that do not involve harm to us. Angel, you talked of God. According to all the sacred texts I've read, God thinks you're really something, just as important as everyone else. You cannot continue to beat up on yourself. I'm sure He's absolutely delighted you're no longer being abused. It's painful to feel rejected for another, but heck, that guy sure

I know I'm not Anne Marie and I'm not going to tell you anything you don't already know, but... I was once a VERY confident person. Then I fell in love. He slowly sapped all of my self esteem. I felt like I didn't try hard enough, that I was unworthy (of almost everything). Then one day I was able to not cry everytime I thought about him (and us). Eventually, one day, I don't know excatly when, I was able to find myself again. When I say find myself I think I mean be happy with myself, by myself. It took awhile. A human studies teacher I had once said that when a spouse or loved one dies it takes 2 years to "get over it" (whatever that means) - it takes even longer after a divorce/breakup. In those situations you alway are asking "why wasn't I good enough?" You have a double whammy of losing your self confidence. Just remember that the pain reminds you - you are alive and you can feel. AND feelings have to work both ways if you feel really bad now later you will have to feel really good. I wish you the best and remember to use you support system.