Rob 47 .... compassion (n.) Deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it. Something we must have for others and ourselves. [color=Red]redrosie[/color] [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 1/1/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 89 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 2,158 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $738.7 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 8 [B]Hrs:[/B] 18 [B]Mins:[/B] 14 [B]Seconds:[/B] 59

I always wonder at those who use the sentiment tough love. I think for most people, tough love only belongs within family, it truly does not belong on an internet message board because let's face it, we do not "love" one another, are merely trying to help support one another in our one ultimate goal in quitting smoking. I also can't see it as enabling. Of course this is just my opinion and others may disagree but if I truly want to smoke, nothing anyone on an internet message board will stop me from that. Whether you pat me on the back and say it's ok or say.. geez Lahja, you really are an idiot, bend over so we can kick you in the pants.. We have to live with our own decisions so saying that it's enabling to me implies an arrogance that somehow the tough lovers can change the behaviour of someone else. I believe we are all in charge of our own quits. I'm with Pam and Shevie, I can't understand why some people take it so personally what other's do with their meters or feel they need to kick others down when they slip up. Everyone should do what they feel will most enable them to be successful. Lahja Day 151

Not to be funny.....but purhaps when we quit, we shouldn't smoke. Hummmmmmmm...Smoke free days are smoke free days no matter how you look at it. All of my 265 days are smoke free! I'm proud of those stats and I couldn't imagine resetting my meter. Not after 7 days or 70 days... Knowing I would have to reset that meter kept me going in my quit many, many, many times. If you are quit you don't smoke. If you smoke, you are not quit. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 7/1/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 265 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 5,313 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $927.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 23 [B]Hrs:[/B] 9 [B]Mins:[/B] 53 [B]Seconds:[/B] 48

Shevie makes a very good point people. The meter is personal and quitting is really, really hard. I disagree on one thing Shevie...if I have a 4.0 GPA and I cheat on a test, does my GPA go to zero...You bet it does.... that is an ethical issue. Quitting an addiction is hard. Just because something works for one doesn't mean it will work for another. Whatever works is what is important. It's the end result that matters. We Do Not Smoke. NOPE! [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 7/1/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 265 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 5,314 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $927.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 23 [B]Hrs:[/B] 10 [B]Mins:[/B] 2 [B]Seconds:[/B] 18

Well said Phillip! [quote] Doesn't matter to me what someone elses quit meter says, it matters to me what mine says. [/quote] AMEN to that! I couldn't agree more! I have also seen on this site several people say one opinion on the subject and then they screw up and smoke and then do another. So, I say that until you are in that situation, it's very difficult to know what someone else has to face. It's kinda like when we try to get support from family or friends who have never smoked or are still smoking and they just don't understand what we are going through and it's difficult to give support. I think the same is sometimes true when people slip (or whatever you want to call it) and decide not to reset their meters, some people on this site don't understand because they haven't had to face the decision as to whether they will reset or not. I hope that, if nothing else, my story above (if anyone reads it) will shed a little light on what it is like to have to make that decision. So, if you haven't smoked, count your blessings and keep doing an awesome job!!! If you have, I know that it's a very difficult decision and I don't think it should matter to anyone but you what you decide about your own quit meter... since it is YOUR quit meter! This is a good discussion. I like reading the views of others here, even if they are different from mine! Great discussion! Crave the Quit! Pam [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 10/28/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 146 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,670 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $481.8 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 10 [B]Hrs:[/B] 15 [B]Mins:[/B] 42 [B]Seconds:[/B] 27

Rob, I'd like to offer my opinions on the subject, from someone who has tried every method. :blush: I'm not proud of that, but that's the way it is... The first time I smokedin July on day 34, the day I lost my job and my entire life went into a tail spin, I didn't reset my meter because I didn't feel that 1 cigarette had negated all of the hard work I'd done. It didn't negate ANY of the money I'd saved (since I'd bummed a cigarette) and it didn't really negate the life I'd gained either. I kept it where it was because resetting it would have been a horrible blow to my momentum and I don't think I would have been able to continue on in my quit if I'd lost my job AND my quit... so I kept the meter where it was. Then, 34 days after that (I have a bit of a problem with the 34 day mark if you didn't realize that already :) ) I smoked 2 puffs of a cigarette and then reset my meter. I was SO upset after resetting my meter that I was actually waking up in the middle of the night crying because I'd thrown away my 2+ month quit for 2 puffs! I felt absolutely awful! I felt a loss of comaraderie with the people I quit with because they were now 2 months further along than I was and I was absolutely miserable!!! I'd completely lost my momentum to continueon in my quit and felt like "what's the point?!?!" so rather than go back to smoking, I put my meter back where it was, minus 2 days... one for that smoke and one for the previous smoke. THAT was probably the WORST thing I could have done!!! I was now celebrating everything 2 days after the real date and that date didn't mean ANYTHING to me!! It wasn't the date I quit... it wasn't even the date after my mistake... it was some arbritrary date that didn't mean a thing to me! But, I kept it until I decided that I'd rather celebrate my REAL anniversaries and I set it back to June 17th... the date that I quit smoking. Then, 64 days after my previous screw up, I got drunk at a bar and smoked 7 cigarettes. That time, I reset my meter and that's where it is today and I haven't smoked since. It's been the most honest way for me. I feel like I got a fresh start and have no regrets to starting my meter over. Would I have smoked in these last 5 months if I hadn't reset my meter? Who knows! All I know is

Rob, I completely understand where you are coming from... many can NOT recover from a "slip" or whatever you want to call it. And it's only by the grace of God and this support group that I WAS able to get back up each time. And those first 2 times, I honestly don't think I could have recovered had I reset my meter. After the 3rd time, something snapped inside me and I just knew I would never smoke again. It was different... not at first... I think it took maybe a month or two before I realized it, and the quit sank deep into my soul and permeated throughout my body, into my head, heart and all throughout. And, I've been smoke free ever since. But if this site MADE everyone reset their meters after a slip, or even if that was the accepted norm, I wouldn't be here smoke free today. I guarantee you that! And, I think the more time you have on your meter when you smoke, the harder it would be to reset. For me, it was 1 month, 1 month & 2 months (a total of 132 days when I reset my meter), but I've seen some who had a slip after 6 months, or even a year! They didn't go back to smoking, so why on earth would they reset their meters?!?!?! I REALLY don't think I could throw away a year on my meter for 1 cigarette! Could you? Be honest! If you had a lapse of judgement after 1 year of being smoke free without any slips at all prior to that, do you REALLY think that you would reset your meter? I don't think there's anyone who would! So that's why I've always said that whatever is best for the person is the right method. Otherwise, I think there would be many of us who would have given up if we had to reset our meters after a lapse of judgement. Crave the Quit! Pam [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 10/28/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 147 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,688 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $485.1 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 10 [B]Hrs:[/B] 16 [B]Mins:[/B] 57 [B]Seconds:[/B] 29

Rob, Thank you for your honesty. There are MANY people who have been quit for more than a year who still come to this site fairly frequently. We even have some who have been quit for 4 or 5 years who still come to offer advice. It's not because they are craving, but because they feel an obligation to help others out the way other oldies helped them out when they first quit. So yes, MANY people still come here who have been quit for more than a year. And plus, as a newbie, it's always encouraging to see people who have been quit that long because it proves that this CAN be done. Second, I'm glad to see that you can at least understand that there are still some times when setting the meter back because of 1 cigarette might not be practical and that every situation is different. Like I said earlier (on page 1) when I told my story, if I'd lost my job AND and quit, I certainly wouldn't have continued on in the quit. I still don't know what I would do if I slipped again and I hope I never have to find out! Although, I've been thinking about this a lot lately and I think I would probably set it back again. It's worked pretty well this way... but that's my personal choice and I like that this site doesn't MAKE me set it back. I like your idea for how you would run a site, but I think that would be a logistical nightmare!!! And I'm not sure that would solve all of the problems either because other people would probably say "where ya been?" and the person might still want to say "I slipped" and then you STILL have the problems of the hugs and comfort and the newbies who haven't slipped start wanting to so they can get that. It's a tough situation and while I don't agree with the way the other site does it and when I first visited that site when I first quit, I thought "how insensitive!!!" But then after a while, I started to see why they do it. I still don't agree with it and I never will, but I at least understand where they are coming from. I don't think there's a good solution to this problem... if you make everyone who slips reset their meters, you're going to have some liars in the bunch who don't do it and people will think that it's insensitive and will feel like they're not welcome here if they slip... I just don't see a good solution,

Bob, I understand what you are saying and I kinda felt like you thought that you were being ganged up on, and that's why I said something. In most of these types of threads, there's an equal number (or close to it) of people on each side, which keeps it from getting unbalanced one way or another, but it seems that you're the only person left standing on the side of "always reset the meter no mater what" with many many many more people on the "it's the person's individual choice" side. I commend you for sticking with it and not backing down, even when you are being barrated, ;p About 9 months ago, I would have been on your side. YES! Always reset the meter! It's the ONLY honest way!!! But then, 34 days into my quit, my humanity took over and I was faced with a decision to make and that's when I started to see the other sides. So, that's why I stand firmly that it is the individual's deicion. However, having said that, I can see where someone who slips repeatedly, or even only once, is a slap in the face to someone who has struggled to maintain their quit, but hasn't succumbed to the temptations to smoke. It's like "if so-and-so can smoke and still keep their meter where it is, why can't I?" And that's a very valid point and it's very frustrating to people who have been trying really really hard to see someone else slip and not reset. And yes, I've had to come to terms with that and how I've done that is to simply not care what anyone else's meter says... mine's the ONLY one that counts. So yes, I COMPLETELY understand your point. I still want to know your answer to my question. If you had been the person who made an irrational decision while you were really upset and smoked less than 1 cigarette after more than a year's time, would you reset your meter? I'd really like to know what you think and how you can back up your response. I know you said you're not going to respond again, but I'd really like for you to respond to that question... no matter what you say, I will not judge you... I just want to know what you think. Crave the Quit! Pam [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 10/28/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 155 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,888 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $640.15 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 11 [B]Hrs:[/B]

Oh dear Penguin, My heart goes out to you! I totally understand where you are coming from! If only we hadn't made the choice to smoke! Yes, resetting your meter sucks, but it was definitely the thing for me and has kept me quit! But the truth is that "I" know where I REALLY am and so do you, and that's what counts! It's not like you're going to get some life-threatening illness that you wouldn't have gotten if you hadn't reset your meter! It's not like anyone's going to come take away the money you saved by not smoking those 107 days! You're still just as much a winner today as you were before you smoked... because you're not smoking today! And that's what counts! The way I look at it is this... if I did it once, I can do it again... and it's kinda been exciting passing my old mark. I reset my meter at 132 days (although only 130 of them were smoke free), and since I "slipped" on days 34, 68 (which was really 34 again) and 68, and then collectively, they were 132, it's been cool for me to pass each one of those and think "I did it! And this time, I'm not going to smoke and I'm going to go even further!!!" It's like I'm having a competition with myself and I just won! LOL! :) So if you're the type of person who that would work for, try oudoing your old mark and then doubling it and tripling it and so on. Here's something that I did that maybe you will want to try. I did this at the suggestion of Ros, a wonderful member who has since gone on to lead her smoke-free life. She told me to download a quit meter (I'm not sure if downloading the SSC one will work because it might interfere with your meter when you post here, so I downloaded silkquit) and put your OLD quit date on it. That way, you can still track how much money you've REALLY saved since you quit smoking and can track your old anniversaries. One thing I would suggest though is that with the silkquit meter, it tracks it in months and weeks instead of total days, so you might want to look for one that tracks the same way, but that's up to you. But here's the REAL advantage to doing that... by having TWO meters, you get to celebrate TWO anniversaries!!! :) So, there ARE benefits to resetting your meter! :) More things to celebrate! Try not to look at this as a failure becaus