Well, Phillip- you know what they say..."misery loves company". I'll join you in feeling like crap. Was at a friend's house this saturday and was the only non-smoker. I can't even say that was it since I've been sluggish and hazy for weeks now with a day or two of "normalcy" here and there. It is really quite a challenge to remain bright and optimistic about this after fighting for nearly 80 days, but somehow I manage from one day to another to keep quit. But...after leaving my friends, did I ever get the crave for the next 48 hours. Might as well have been day 7 all over again.
I don't know. I realize expecting a miraculous recovery from 30 years of 2ppd smoking is ridiculous of me. No one said it would be easy. It shouldn't be....and it's not. I probably was one of those with an underlying depression or some self-esteem issue that took to nicotine like a fish to water. My dopamine/acetycholine stuff is all wacked out after 30 years of it. My brain is in a fog most of the time now. It's not that I feel "depressed", more that I'm incomplete and have lost a certain clarity that I had with nicotine.
What a trip. Now I have to reform my entire neurochemical makeup and my coping mechanisms are in limbo. This is very difficult for someone who is usually quite sharp and decisive.
I'm not looking for advice .I know myself very well, believe me. I realize this is a very tenuous place to be (one puff away from 2ppd) and recovery is not pretty. It does seem to go better for some. Thank God. I seriously am glad for them. For some of us, it is a bit more intense and if it's because of an underlying personality issue, well...knowing that won't change things either since we are pretty much who we are at this ripe old age. Sometimes, though it does help to know that you're not the only one experiencing this.
We know we can always go back to smoking. We also know that if we do, this is where we'll be again IF we quit again. It's still a big temptation, though isn't it?
For now, though, it's enough to say we don't smoke, and that will have to be enough.
:|
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/18/2006
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 79
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,180
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $711
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 13 [B]Hrs:[/B] 1 [B]Mins:[/B]