Thanks for the welcomes everyone :)
The sleep tips were great, thanks, I had the best night I've had in a while last night - sharing everything has been emotionally exhausting but very worthwhile, it actually feels like a physical load is off my chest, it's incredible.
Don't worry about asking a lot of questions Deb, it makes it easier for me to reply because I just answer instead of just blurting out info about myself haha I'll try to get all of them....
1) yes i've thought about a different living situation a LOT, I've brought it up with them as well but for now I've decided to stay because we have a 4th roommate coming in to live with us next year and she and I are very similar (the other two are practically twins and I'm the odd one out right now) and with a bigger house and more space I'm hoping I won't be overwhelmed. I've also realized the importance of taking my alone time - I was constantly trying to interact at the beginning because I thought they would be upset if I didn't but that just backfired completely.
2) I have a full load of 5 courses this semester, in first year I tried only doing 4 at a time but my marks didn't improve so I decided to stick with 5 because of finances (i would have to stay in school longer if i only took 4 a semester)
3) I eat very well and try to take care of myself to the best of my ability. On days with lots of classes I do skip lunch but that's only 2 days a week. I eat incredibly healthily (I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome which makes my life horrific if I don't, and even sometimes when I do... gah) and I rarely drink caffeine.
4) I exercise regularly, I run 2-3x a week, walk wherever I can, mountain bike and horseback ride weekly. In first semester I didn't get out of the house at all practically but I've been trying to change that. I used to be VERY active in highschool and missed it a lot so I've been gradually adding things back.
5) Right now I'm not pressuring myself a whole lot, it's more of a guilty thing that I'm not doing better... in highschool I was a super-child doing absolutely everything, top of my classes, leadership awards, volunteering 10+ hours a week, several sports teams etc... and still managing to be depressed throughout it, pressuring myself was an issue back then.... now I've cut back on the majority of my activities and my marks are low (not failing but very low in comparison to what I know I can achieve) but since no-one in university knows any better there's not a whole lot of pressure from them or myself.
Overall, I take very good care of my body and have actively been trying to improve on aspects of my life that I'm unhappy with. I guess that was part of the reason that I was so surprised when both the online test here and the one the counsellor gave me came back as "severely depressed", I'm doing much better than I was in first semester, guess I still have a ways to go....
The lack of sleep has been because of racing thoughts that just wont' calm down and some guilt and worry for being so underproductive, not wanting to be social, what is wrong with me etc.... I've always been described as "the strong one" but the people that rely on me have no idea whats actually going on inside my head. I'm also very worried because my summer job is developing and running a month-long leadership program for a group of 15yr olds and right now I'm in absolutely no shape to be doing it. I would break down within days and that would be bad for me, the kids, the camp, everyone......
wow, thanks for reading (if you got through the whole post... that was a whop