Thanks for your replies. It's the start of another day and again I've accomplished nothing and don't feel like I can do anything. In fact I'm finding it hard to get started with this program and to just take out a piece of paper to start a mood/activity tracker. It's ridiculous. I know that something has to change but it seems like nothing ever changes. The tough part is if I can't get any help here I feel my only option is to leave, and that will mean leaving my husband. It upsets me that if only I could get help with this depression things might be different, but that seems impossible, and the idea of starting my life all over, completely from scratch, is of course beyond overwhelming, but I start to feel like that is my only option other than wasting the rest of my life in a depression here. I don't even know if he realizes that is how I feel. If I can't get any help, I just have to go back to the USA where I might once again feel in control of my life. He also refused to let me take language lessons here so I feel so stuck. Just utterly, absolutely STUCK. I have no life and don't see any way of getting one if I am left to try to sort everything out on my own. I've been here for a few YEARS and it is still this bad. I did have some friends, but they moved away. I find myself turning to my memories of how I used to do things, and it feels like it's all in the past. I'm too young for my life to be over!